Lakin Rose - Poetry Anthology

Fortunately, the vast majority of my project went extremely well. I was able to write 48 pages of poetry and complete 16 drawings and publish them in a collection of my own work. Something I am proud of was my complete independence when it came to the actual design/“construction” of my project. I researched things that seem very miniscule but are actually very important to the overall appearance of a book, like the font size of titles, subtitles, how blank pages are best utilized, and I had to do design research when it came to my promotional website.

In regards of changing the font size of different types of texts, if everything were the same size, the book would feel static and dull. Although things like this seem so small and insignificant, can actually give the impression of blandness or mundaneness to someone’s subconscious, causing the reader to become less interested in reading further.

This project, like anything in life, came with many ups and downs and caused me to grow in new ways I never thought I could have.

So, what went well? Well, nearly everything! One of the things I am most proud of, however, was my ability to keep motivation and find inspiration. I was hit with a bad case of writer’s block in between having finished writing the first three sections of Poetea and beginning to write the final one. This caused me to slow down a little bit and put unnecessary doubt in my head. Through distancing myself from my project for only a day or two and writing completely separate poetry, I was able to find new meaning and inspiration for my project and finish the last section fairly quickly after that. Another success was being able to let go of perfection when it came to the drawings in the collection. I knew when starting the project, I planned on the drawings being very loose and designed like “napkin sketches,” but I was worried that my perfectionist saboteur would get in the way of me being able to move on from the drawing phase. Fortunately, I was able to just have fun with the sketches and let them accompany the poems without holding too much weight. I ended up getting through this part of the project fairly quickly as I wasn’t putting unnecessary pressure on myself. One of the things I pride myself on is my work ethic, and I think that shone in this project. I’ve always been taught that hard work pays off and putting in the effort will make you go far, and that definitely rings true when I reflect on the creation process of this project. The thought of publishing my poetry collection was so motivating and inspiring on its own but the added challenge of finishing the entire project in less than five months really kicked things into gear. I like to think of myself as a hard worker and someone who can adapt to changing timelines, added pressures, and varying obstacles. One of the best things about this process was letting my hard work pay off, and being able to fulfill my expectations.

What didn’t go well? Well, for starters, being able to continuously bob and weave around my internal perfectionist. This semester helped to completely eradicate that side of me, and most of that was due to having to actively seek feedback in order to move forward with my project. We all have that voice in our heads telling us we’re not good enough or that our work doesn’t matter, but one of my biggest successes was being able to get around that and work with my perfectionist side, not against it. The biggest challenge this semester was the second part of my project once I had completed my original goal. With five weeks left in the semester, I didn’t want to just be focusing on B-task assignments, especially since we weren’t receiving a lot of them. I've always been interested in spoken word videos, but had never written a spoken piece, or tried making my own videos. Although I loved writing pieces that were meant to be spoken and using them to add my own commentary on certain issues that are important to me, the video-making process did not go as smoothly. First of all, trying to construct a set-up was extremely difficult, the recording process was a bit of mess, and the results were things I was, let’s say, “less than happy with.” I am not usually one to dismiss something if I am not immediately good at it, so I spent a long time trying to edit the videos into something coherent. Long story short, I no longer have those videos, and although that is a regret of mine, I do not regret the creation process, and I value the time spent on them. I especially value the writing of things meant to be spoken or performed, and it has definitely opened my eyes to try writing in different mediums, such as songs or scripts.

A clear comparison I can make is in my writing style and confidence with that style from the beginning of the semester to the end. When I arrived in the Propel classroom, poetry still was nowhere near my comfort zone, and I had only really written in one “genre” that I wasn’t even that much of a fan of. I felt like my poetry needed to fill as much space as possible and I needed a minimum of six stanzas in every piece. When I was following this “regimen” my writing was fairly soulless, it lacked substance, and although my use of imagery was pretty, my words could be a bit empty. Only when I started writing shorter, snappier, sharper poems did I find a style that I really connected with. Limiting myself to short pieces forced me to rely less on my imagery and descriptions, and caused me to make every word count. This helped me to enjoy writing poetry more and get my point across in a more blunt fashion. Although some critics don’t consider my short, to-the-point style of poetry “real”, these poems are certainly more real than the long, flowery, filler ones I was writing before. My style as definitely changed and my attitude has changed with it. With gaining confidence in my writing I gained confidence in myself. I was able to leave my heart on the page and not be worried about who would be reading it. So to Propel and to this project, thank you for all of the challenges and successes, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them.

I came into Propel having a pretty clear expectation of what it would be like based on my older brother’s experience with the program. I also had a clear idea of what I wanted my project to be, and how this semester would go. I’ve often had trouble with planning - I either have no idea what I’m doing, or I over-plan everything to the tiniest detail. I was confident I already had all of the skills I would need in order to make this a successful semester, but I grew a lot more than I thought I would and learned things I didn’t know I needed to.

This semester was extremely emotionally and mentally fulfilling. I’ve always loved writing, and although actually finishing and publishing something has been a goal of mine since I was barely a toddler, I never had enough confidence or drive to actually believe I could pull something like that off. But in five short months, I wrote more poetry than I had ever written before, tried out a new art style, discovered spoken word was not exactly my strongest form of poetry, published a book with my own name on it, and grew more as a person than I ever had before. I learned how to not be afraid of letting go of perfection and how to receive constructive feedback without being my own harshest critic. I learned how to set achievable goals and break things down, how to have a healthy relationship with planning, turning what feels like a boring school presentation into a performance, and how to let myself be vulnerable. Until this year, I had never showed my poetry to anyone before, let alone much of my writing in general. Writing had always been “my thing,” but very few people got to see my work because it was how I expressed myself and my vulnerability, which is something I have struggled with for many years. Propel taught me how to wear my heart on my sleeve and appreciate the strength in asking for help. And for that, I am forever grateful.

As cheesy as it may sound, and as much as I really hate clichés, Propel helped me find the drive I felt was starting to dwindle and I now feel like I can truly accomplish anything. In terms of what’s next, I hope to continue to make art and share it with the world. I hope to gain confidence in myself and be content when failure inevitably arrives. I plan on test-driving everything I possibly can. Something Propel helped me with was the pressure I was putting on myself to be instantly perfect at anything I tried to do. Some of the most fun I had this semester was when things went wrong, and I got to problem solve. Even when we did that escape room on the third day of class (which also happened to be my birthday), it reminded me to not take myself or my academic career too seriously. We’re all here to create and express ourselves in any and every way we can. To quote Bob Ross, “there are no mistakes, just happy accidents.” Thank you.

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