Dessa McGill - eZine

My project is a collective zine of photographs, poems, and artwork from myself and other individuals. Initially this book was going to touch on multiple topics, but once schools transitioned to remote learning and our school experience shifted, so did the theme of my project. This zine is about the discomfort and fear that comes with change, whether expected or unexpected. Through my own work and the work of others portrayed in this zine, the idea will be communicated that change can be difficult, but it can also be necessary for our growth. The content of the book will be split into five sections, four of them being the different phases of feelings throughout change – the beginning of change, trying to fight it off, trying to accept it, and letting it be. The fifth section will feature external contributors. I wanted to make this zine to try to reach a sense of connection with people during the world’s current situation; seeing and hearing other people communicate their fears and emotions can help take the weight off of your own. If I can help just one person feel a bit better by knowing that their feelings are shared, then I’ve succeeded with my project.

When I think of this project, the thing I enjoy most is the photos and the layout and design choices I made. For example, I put my favourite photo in the center of the cover page and used the simple white font over top. It seems exactly that – simple, but it’s the plain cover that I feel balances well with the rest of the book which is more bold and busy. Some pages are emptier, some are filled and cluttered. I was a bit nervous when putting together my book, worrying if I’d be able to make the differences in some of the spreads look intentional, and not just as if I didn’t know what I was doing. I think I succeeded fairly well in making the different types of spreads be cohesive together in the finished product.

I’m also proud of the InDesign skills I was able to develop in a short amount of time. Thanks to video tutorials and internet searching, I went from being intimated with absolutely no idea what I was doing, to an InDesign amateur. I say amateur because I don’t know everything I need to know yet, but I knew enough to put together a book that I think looks pretty cool and does its job of portraying the message I wanted it to.

It’s too easy for me to constantly worry about what other people will be thinking of me and my work, and it’s harder to not do that. However, with this project, since I was alone when working on it I was stripped away from that fear, which helped me a lot. I put together my book and I did it in the way that I wanted and designed it how I saw fit. I took it to a store and had it printed and I didn’t think twice. Of course I still want others to enjoy it, as it’s something that’s meant to be shared, but knowing that I made it for myself to enjoy first feels good.

It’s impossible to have a project be smooth sailing the whole way through – you’re going to have challenges along the way. But, of course, you will have your good moments and success.

While working on my own project this semester, I think what I am most proud of was my success in pushing through my lack of motivation and being able to finish my project on time and on my own. In the beginning of this lockdown into remote learning, I was trying to give myself a lower amount of work because I felt that my creativity and passion for my work had been lost. However, in the end I was able to be forceful with myself and I completed a fifty page zine, which was not the number I had intended in the beginning. What helped me snap out of my moment and keep going was the thought of the feeling I’d have once I was finally graduated. I didn’t want to miss out on that feeling.

Another success I had was being able to still incorporate photography into my project, thanks to my best friend. I take portrait photos, but with the virus going around I wasn’t able to shoot as many different models as I had planned. Except for my best friend, whom I met up with and shot all my photos with – at a distance, of course. Because of her, I was able to fill the majority of pages in my book with some cool portraits like I had wanted.

Though I had those successes, the challenges did come first. As I mentioned before, I had lost my motivation and passion for my project after being stripped away from our supportive work environment, and I didn’t really know how to kick myself back into gear just yet. I was still trying to grapple the way that everything had suddenly changed. Without a set routine, I had to make my own and force myself to work, which was a bit hard while also worrying about an unpredictable new virus. But soon enough, I was able to let the worry go and focus on the end goal of graduating. Even if grad wasn’t going the way I thought it would either, at least it would still happen if I pushed through and finished all my work. The other challenge I had was only having my resources be online, through YouTube videos or video calls once a week with my teachers. Though those are still helpful, it’s a bit different than being together in person. But I managed, as it was all we could do at the time.

The challenges I faced while working on this project were just as valuable as the successes I had. This experience may have been much different than my first round of Propel, but it proved to be just as useful and interesting as the last.

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